I found my school-sanctioned 'Writer's Notebook' from 7th grade

What was 12 year old Julie writing about?

I sat down to write today, I came to a blank page and told myself just write. I started to think about why I wanted to start a newsletter, and why I like writing, and thought about times when writing came easy to me. I thought back to a memoir class I took in high school, my days as a blogger post-college, and even to the many drafts I have in substack waiting for final edits and for me to hit that ‘publish’ button. And then I remembered a pink plaid spiral-bound notebook I kept from 2003-2004, from 7th grade. My homeroom teacher had us keep journals, or ‘Writer’s Notebooks’. And then I remembered that I still had this notebook, tucked away in a box that up until a few years ago had been living at my parents’ house.

I just dug this out and spent the past 30 minutes or so pouring through it. I don’t really remember the parameters of the assignment or keeping this journal, but in browsing, it seems we had to write a certain amount of ‘entries’ over a certain period of time. Other than that, it seems like we could write whatever we wanted. There are 68 entries in my journal, so I think this was a year-long assignment. The minute I saw the cover, I was transported back to that time. I remember scribbling in my notebook before bed, while riding the subway on my way to school, and in between classes. Some of what’s in there is uninspired (I printed out lyrics to a Leonard Cohen song, I can’t imagine I got full credit for that one), but for the most part, I remember this being a creative outlet, despite the pressure of being required to write in this thing.

idk felt relevant

Some examples of my entries are:

• a story about a 6-year-old genius named Johnny

• Various poems, titles include ‘Life’, ‘Eyes’, ‘Blood’, ‘A Blank Page,’ ‘If I could say anything I wanted to you’, ‘Say No (To Sweatshops)’, and ‘Halloween’.

• a list of my favorite stores, which included some 00s preteen faves (dELiA’s, Wet Seal, Victoria’s Secret — I specified I was talking about the body lotion section) but also some old school NY faves (Yellow Rat Bastard, Rickey’s, OMG Jeans), and a note from my teacher (“Why CVS?”)

• a collage titled ‘inner beauty’ with magazine cutouts (from the year 2003, so probably Teen Vogue or CosmoGirl).

• a list of what I miss about camp

• a repository of ideas for future short stories (favorite idea: a story about food, told from their perspectives. About how they feel about being cooked and eaten. Maybe pasta or a vegetable??)

• a recount of my first time riding the subway alone (that I didn’t finish writing)

• Ani DiFranco lyrics

• A list of the 9 songs played on Z100 at 9pm on a particular day, to win Jingle Ball tickets (I missed number 3, and I said ‘Hey Ya’ was a Ludacris song at first, but don’t worry I crossed it out and corrected my mistake).

• A 4-page spread featuring a trip to Toronto I took, where I taped in photos, a ticket to a visit to the CN tower, and some Canadian currency

• A list of summer goals (some favorites: “get a TAN, not a BURN”, “Have fun”, and ‘Be organized”…I’ve been working on that last one my entire life lol)

• and 3 ‘open letters’ to various bullies.

Why CVS? I’m not sure I know either lol

Why do I share this? For starters, it’s funny and made me chuckle. I also enjoyed the insight into my angsty 12-year-old brain. But most importantly, it’s so random. And going through all of these has just reiterated the importance of just sitting down to write and seeing what comes out. But also made a time in my life that I regard with a lot of angst and uncomfortable self-discovery seem light-hearted, silly, and fun. Which was a nice realization, and also a reminder to look for the silly and fun stuff in my day-to-day, and try to remember that stuff more.

Which feels like a good reminder, at 37 weeks, 4 days pregnant, as I get ready to parent. I expect a lot of hard moments but also a lot of really wonderful moments, and if I can hold on to the wonderful, silly, and fun amongst the hard, I think I’ll be okay.

My favorite part of this entry is that 20 years after it was written, to the day, I would wake up, take a pregnancy test, and find out I was pregnant with the child I’m currently carrying. These songs might need to be included on my birthing playlist, we’ll see.