It’s 1:42pm on my 33rd birthday. I just got a haircut (that my mom sneakily paid for) and I’m sitting in a cafe, looking out at a dreary day in Greenpoint, enjoying my cold brew and overall not sure what to do with myself.
I took this day off a few months ago at this point, knowing I’d need a haircut, maybe thinking I’d get a pedicure, and until last night I had a morning boxing class booked (instead, I laid in bed watching the Good Doctor until I had to leave the house).
I am usually a big birthday person, but this year I feel like I’ve had to force the desire to do anything. I don’t think this has to do with getting older — I am honestly feeling overall good about aging and still get the sense that some of my best years may be ahead of me (phew). I felt this way last year, too, and I wonder if that’s just what happens after you’ve celebrated thirty-something birthdays on this planet?
It’s my first birthday as a Mom, and Mother’s Day is Sunday. Maybe that’s part of it too? I’m definitely grateful to celebrate my life and my kid’s life in the same weekend, though. I used to think (pre-parenthood) that I’d absolutely loathe sharing my special day, but I realize Mother’s Day is another special day, and I think it’ll be nice to celebrate all together.
It’s now evening. We ordered Italian for dinner (a favorite to order), and tomorrow we’ll meet some friends at a brewery. I’ll order pizza, and I have a cake coming tomorrow. I don’t know what Mother’s Day will bring yet.
Aging is such a gift and a privilege. We get to continue to learn, to grow, and we’re always aging — we just use birthdays to mark that aging yearly. My 32nd year was insane! I had just started a new job and spent my birthday in LA with my new co-workers. A few months later, I welcomed my first child into the world. I learned so much about myself and about life and all these things I couldn’t dream of knowing about during my 32nd year. I lost myself, a little bit, but slowly starting finding myself again as I broke out of the postpartum haze.
I think 33 will bring lots of joy and clarity for life. It is the first full year I’ll spend in this “post-kid” space (and my life very much is now segmented into two spaces: pre-kid and post-kid). I am excited to grow and evolve and learn about me, recommit to me, explore myself, etc.
So happy birthday to me! I don’t have big plans for this year—no earth shattering moves, no new jobs (hopefully), etc. But I do have big plans for myself as a human — recommitting to things that bring me joy, and learning how to navigate nurturing myself while I have others to nurture too.