The Layoff Diaries #1: Day 0 | The First 12 Hours

On being shocked but not shocked, feeling paralyzed while also jumping into action, and forcing myself to go to the gym

Well, here we go again — another layoff.

For the third time since 2022.

I know the job market is tough, and has been since the pandemic started. I know I'm not alone, and that this is happening worldwide, across industries, regardless of skill, tenure, or anything else someone may bring to a company. I know this is par for the course in tech, especially right now. I know it's not personal, and that I'll be okay, and that there are people dealing with much more at the moment, people fighting for what really matters, and this pales in comparison.

Even though I've been here before and know all of that to be true, it still stings.

The first time I was laid off, I was relatively new to my Product career. I had a big name behind me, and was eager to continue on.

My second layoff, I was pregnant and still excited about Product work. I was eager to find a fit in the consumer app space, and I did.

This layoff has me feeling a bit out of sorts. I’ve been in Product for four years now, and I’m not sure if I want to continue as a Product Manager, pivot to something adjacent (Product Ops or a more technical role, for example), or if I want to leave it all behind entirely to pursue something else, where I work for myself in a fractional/portfolio capacity. I think writing could be part of that, and I think I could leverage my 10+ years in CX, Operations, and Product, even if loosely.

I’m not putting all my eggs in any basket right now, but I’m not narrowly focused on doing what I’ve always done, either.

I think this layoff is forcing me to say all of that out loud.

I’ve always said I like having a boss. I like knowing what I need to do and then disconnecting from work when it’s time to disconnect. I like someone else figuring out my benefits, having taxes automatically withheld, and a good 401k match.

In my mind, security is that 9-to-5, but as my personal history repeats itself, I’m wondering if this security, which doesn’t seem to be too secure at all, is worth it.

The golden handcuffs of a W2, tech job seem to be gold-plated at best these days. And I want solid gold.

I started my Substack in 2023 after my second layoff, when I was 5 months pregnant. I recommitted to my newsletter in November of 2024, when my husband went through his second layoff.

It only feels right to do something here to mark the occasion.

Introducing The Layoff Diaries — a series chronicling my movements through this post-layoff life as I figure out what’s next. It’ll be raw, it’ll be honest, it’ll be me. It will be my in-the-moment movements and thoughts, but I’ll also make sure to zoom out a bit when appropriate.

You may get an entry chronicling a full week, a series of days, or, in this case, a set of hours. They won’t all be formatted the same, but we’ll experiment together and see what works and lands (ADHD brain, need flexibility and loose guidelines so I don’t feel stifled — a lot of you get that, I know).

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This is a paid series — I have a lot of great drafts in the works that will (mostly) be for my free subscribers, but I am looking to be a bit more unfiltered in this series (and generate a little more income while I can, you all get it, right???).

If you’re a paid subscriber, thanks for being here.

If you’re not, I would, of course, love for you to consider becoming a paid subscriber. As a special (and advanced) thanks, I’m offering 20% off all subscriptions for a year.

If that’s not possible right now, I understand. You should be able to use your free unlock on this article if you haven’t used it before.

If you do that, there’s no obligation to keep your subscription (though I would love for you to stick around). And if paid subscriptions aren’t your thing, you can always buy me a coffee or leave me a tip.

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Alright, thanks for bearing with the housekeeping. Without further ado, welcome to the first installment of The Layoff Diaries.

The Layoff Diaries: The First 12 Hours

Tuesday, 11:00 am | Hour 0

11:00 am

I am working at my coworking space, something I decided to treat myself to in May. I enjoy working remotely and not having to report to an office at specific times and days, but working from my home has started to get to me, especially as the weather gets nicer. Working from coffee shops also gets expensive, and they’re not a business write-off. So, I’ve been enjoying this coworking space a few days a week for the last month.

I usually pack a breakfast and/or lunch, but today I packed neither. I decide to order breakfast and settle on a burrito.

11:43 am

My breakfast burrito arrives. I thank my Dasher and return to my desk for the day. It looks good, but I immediately regret removing the potatoes. I don’t know why I did that — I think I felt like it would weigh me down and make it harder to focus.

I eat, slowly, deciding I'll finish it during my company’s bi-weekly All Hands at noon.

11:54 am

It's almost time for All Hands, so I run to the bathroom and fill my water glass. I don't have to present today, so taking the call from the open desks won't be a problem. If I were presenting, I would've stayed home or booked a room here.

11:56 am

I return from the bathroom and look at my calendar, starting to get ready to join the call. I notice the All Hands event has been removed from my calendar and has been replaced with an "Emergency Company Update".

Oh fuck, I think. My heart starts pounding, my hands shaking.