I absolutely loved reading this, it hit so close to home. I'm one year into motherhood, but I feel the same in that I've had a rebirth but equally I'm still very much the same. THANK YOU for your writing.
Thank you, Mica! I never knew it was possible to be the same person and yet also be someone very different all at the same time (but I guess to my point... I don't know anything!)
🥹🥹🥹I don’t even know go to comment on this without co-signing literally every sentence. You truly never know what it’s like on this side until you’re here. And there’s something so delightful about being wrong about how you through you’d show up. My pre-kid self would think I’d lost it, but my post-kid self is so happy with how parenthood has unfolded.
i couldn’t agree more. my pre-kid self would want to come over and grab me by the shoulders and shake me. "just hire the damn sitter”. but that person couldn’t fathom prioritizing a full night’s sleep and keeping $200 in my pocket and forgoing a random night out lol.
Hello Julie Cringe, while I am not a parent to any human children, I do relate to your line about "tolerance for bullshit — flakiness, dishonesty, playing things ‘by ear’ — has completely gone out the window" and would love to know more about this! Did you get any pushback from others about this shift? Did anyone even notice? Has this changed how you interact with other people? Thanks in advance. Regards, Ashley Commenter
Wonderful questions. This for sure has impacted how I interact with others, and I could (should?) probably write an entire essay on this at some point. I find I don't wait around for others to make plans around me as much, and if something feels like it's heading in a 'wishy washy' direction I'll just call it.
It probably means we are harder to make plans with now because I need some notice, and I find I'm getting fewer 'last minute' invites. At first, I felt left out, but then I realized it meant my boundaries were working. I still have to sometimes reiterate that "I need more notice", but it's usually met with apathy (which honestly feels like a win).
Also, I am very aware of the fact that my default is to play things by ear and be spontaneous, so I've had to work to realize that that doesn't really work for me anymore, either. It just means I need to be more proactive, or I won't see anyone (which happens, especially over long, cold winters).
Re: flakiness, that one has been the hardest to address because I find flaky people don't realize they are being flaky unless they call it out. I've had to address this with two people so far — one took it extremely well and I've noticed marked improvements, the other...well it's a story for another time but didn't quite go as well.
Those conversations took me a long time to have because I knew if they didn't go well, I'd have to make some tough decisions.
Ahhh, I love the sweet smell of boundaries in the morning. I like to frame this as JOMO (even if I am also sometimes sad I don't get invited to things) because you know what, I don't normally like last-minute things and I'm just not as flexible as I think I "should" be. I'm not a spontaneous gal (unless it's built into the schedule, of course!)
I get it! 34 years in and the relearning continues. Parenting is a trip that has continuously asked me to examine myself, my priorities, my perceptions of others, and my "stories" about my own childhood and my parents. Parenting has been an incredible catalyst for my maturation, has helped my growth and has been my teacher for how to love (and this includes loving myself).
I absolutely loved reading this, it hit so close to home. I'm one year into motherhood, but I feel the same in that I've had a rebirth but equally I'm still very much the same. THANK YOU for your writing.
Thank you, Mica! I never knew it was possible to be the same person and yet also be someone very different all at the same time (but I guess to my point... I don't know anything!)
🥹🥹🥹I don’t even know go to comment on this without co-signing literally every sentence. You truly never know what it’s like on this side until you’re here. And there’s something so delightful about being wrong about how you through you’d show up. My pre-kid self would think I’d lost it, but my post-kid self is so happy with how parenthood has unfolded.
i couldn’t agree more. my pre-kid self would want to come over and grab me by the shoulders and shake me. "just hire the damn sitter”. but that person couldn’t fathom prioritizing a full night’s sleep and keeping $200 in my pocket and forgoing a random night out lol.
Hello Julie Cringe, while I am not a parent to any human children, I do relate to your line about "tolerance for bullshit — flakiness, dishonesty, playing things ‘by ear’ — has completely gone out the window" and would love to know more about this! Did you get any pushback from others about this shift? Did anyone even notice? Has this changed how you interact with other people? Thanks in advance. Regards, Ashley Commenter
Wonderful questions. This for sure has impacted how I interact with others, and I could (should?) probably write an entire essay on this at some point. I find I don't wait around for others to make plans around me as much, and if something feels like it's heading in a 'wishy washy' direction I'll just call it.
It probably means we are harder to make plans with now because I need some notice, and I find I'm getting fewer 'last minute' invites. At first, I felt left out, but then I realized it meant my boundaries were working. I still have to sometimes reiterate that "I need more notice", but it's usually met with apathy (which honestly feels like a win).
Also, I am very aware of the fact that my default is to play things by ear and be spontaneous, so I've had to work to realize that that doesn't really work for me anymore, either. It just means I need to be more proactive, or I won't see anyone (which happens, especially over long, cold winters).
Re: flakiness, that one has been the hardest to address because I find flaky people don't realize they are being flaky unless they call it out. I've had to address this with two people so far — one took it extremely well and I've noticed marked improvements, the other...well it's a story for another time but didn't quite go as well.
Those conversations took me a long time to have because I knew if they didn't go well, I'd have to make some tough decisions.
Ahhh, I love the sweet smell of boundaries in the morning. I like to frame this as JOMO (even if I am also sometimes sad I don't get invited to things) because you know what, I don't normally like last-minute things and I'm just not as flexible as I think I "should" be. I'm not a spontaneous gal (unless it's built into the schedule, of course!)
I get it! 34 years in and the relearning continues. Parenting is a trip that has continuously asked me to examine myself, my priorities, my perceptions of others, and my "stories" about my own childhood and my parents. Parenting has been an incredible catalyst for my maturation, has helped my growth and has been my teacher for how to love (and this includes loving myself).