Introducing This Might be Cringe

new title that may or may not change again

When I started my Substack in April of 2023 (after being laid off at ~23 weeks pregnant), I picked a name that was very much a placeholder — A Stack of Subs was chosen to be a silly play on words, that didn’t really make sense, but at the time I didn’t know what exactly I was going to be writing about anyway. So it fit for the time being, but in my head I always thought I’d find something that fit better.

On being pregnant and unemployed

Over time that title never came, and A Stack of Subs persisted. I never really liked it, it felt random and unintentional, and so by proxy my newsletter continued to feel random and unintentional. Which never felt great, and maybe that lack of direction made it easier to leave this alone for long periods of time, even though the writing part actually makes me feel great¹.

I was finishing up an essay (this one) about embarrassment and I had an ‘aha’ moment — I am acutely aware of what I think others may find as embarrassing (or cringe, as the kids say) and that has held me back from a lot in my life. And I realized that’s a shitty feeling, and a shitty thing to keep feeling, when I am also acutely aware of the fact that I only have one life.

Embarrassment is Fake

I don’t like to spend time dwelling on the past or the unexpected things that have happened in life (I try not to even call them ‘good’ or ‘bad’). I have a deeply held belief that everything happens for a reason, which is hard to remember sometimes, but I really believe it’s true. Everything I’ve gone through is something I’m supposed to go through, and that helps me process life’s ‘harder’ moments. So this realization, one that I’ve been shoving down for a while, hit me. I don’t have regrets (that’s another thing that’s important for me), but it is something I decided I want to start to examine.

I realized this newsletter itself is a weird cycle of that feeling. I’ll have an idea for something, write the essay, feel good about it, and then start thinking. The dread and anxiety that comes with embarrassment sets in and I shy away from it. And thus a cycle begins.

This realization inspired the new title. This Might Be Cringe reflects a shift: a commitment to share anyway, to work through the discomfort, and to lean into vulnerability. Every time I hit publish, there’s a voice in my head wondering if someone will think, “This is so cringe.” And you know what? Maybe it is. Maybe I am. But I’m trying to care less—or at least, to pretend I do until it feels true.

So here we are: This Might Be Cringe. A name that feels intentional. A space that feels honest. And, hopefully, a step toward caring just a little bit less about what anyone else thinks.

1. and the good news is I have been writing a lot!