I finished my digital detox—now what?

What I learned, what's next, and what did Zillow ever do to anyone?

Spend a few moments scrolling and you’re bound to see at least one post—Substack essay, meme, or whatever—about how people are quitting Instagram and trying to relinquish the hold social media has on them (no, the irony isn’t lost on me, either).

You’ll see a beautifully curated photo of a stack of notebooks, a candle (or three), a cup of tea, and no technology; the poster claiming they are clinging on to slower moments. But what, exactly, does all of that mean?

What led me to Detox?

I can’t remember exactly when the feeling of wanting to change my relationship with technology happened for me, but based on my 130-day streak on BePresent it looks like it started in mid-November, right after the election and after I came back to Substack after a long hiatus. Instagram specifically started leaving a bad taste in my mouth, and I used an app (the aforementioned BePresent) to set some limits around that and a few other apps. It worked—I allowed myself to open Instagram five times a day for five minutes each time. And just like that, I cut my scrolling on Instagram.

But then I found myself scrolling for entirely too long on LinkedIn, and so I set a daily app limit for LinkedIn and I cut my scrolling there, too.

You know where this is going. In a very If You Give a Mouse a Cookie moment, I replaced LinkedIn with Substack Notes and so I set a limit there.

Then I did the same with Facebook—yes, Facebook of all places. An app I barely used for the past five years, usually only to browse various neighborhood groups and to post my own wares on Buy Nothing, now became a place I couldn’t get enough of.

The Facebook moment struck me, and I am a bit ashamed it took me that long to recognize this pattern. I’d obviously known I had some habits that needed adjusting—I wouldn’t have downloaded an app blocker if I didn’t think I did. But replacing one vice for another is why they tell you not to enter a new romantic relationship in your first year of addiction recovery.

In February, I learned about

Break Free From the Internet

’s five week Digital Detox. I immediately signed up, and was very surprised to learn, after I’d committed, that this wasn’t as simple as deleting Instagram from my phone for three weeks but rather it was a complete detox from most digital spaces in order to learn how to use technology as a tool.

My Ongoing Battle with Screen Time

Five weeks total, or 35 days—one week of getting prepared for the detox, three weeks of completely separating myself from the entertainment and mindless side of technology, and a final week to slowly reintroduce these digital spaces and reflect on what’s next. Every few days, an email came to my inbox with challenges, tips, writing prompts, and encouragement.

I thought I was just deleting Instagram

The first week was all about setting intentions and getting prepared. I’d get emails every few days with journaling prompts, challenges, and things to think about.

I journaled about my current relationship with the internet and technology and what I wanted to come back to—I knew I didn’t want to cast technology aside completely, but there was something about the vapid consumption loops I found myself in that I felt I needed to get away from.

I also made a list of all the things I thought I would have time for now that my phone was cast aside—including cleaning out the bedroom closet, playing my guitar, and writing for hours every day. Those things mostly didn’t happen, but I appreciated the exercise.

I was to delete every app on my phone that had any entertainment value—social media, games, TV apps, the news, etc. I was also to follow the same practices on my computer. Break Free From the Internet says:

You might want to keep around your banking apps, grocery apps, or anything else that's an essential tool. Don't cheat yourself here. You know the difference.

Looking for a new house? Zillow is a tool. Playing a fantasy game in your head? Zillow is an entertainment app.

So I deleted Zillow too, as we’re no longer realistically looking for a house. Because I did in fact know the difference (much to my chagrin).

In the thick of it: I was bored, I was tired, I got sick

My first day of the initial elimination stage of the detox was on Presidents’ Day. A day off for me and my kid, we went to a play space in the morning and though it was fun, it was exhausting.

When he went down for his nap, all I wanted to do was curl up under the covers and watch about two-three hours of TV, give or take. I couldn’t do that—I was bored, I was frustrated, and I almost threw in the towel. I can start tomorrow, I thought. I forgot today was a day off, anyway.

I remember sitting in bed paralyzed. Too tired to do chores, I took out my Kindle and read the first few pages of a book. The next thing I knew, I was waking up to the sounds of my kid waking up over the monitor and two and a half hours had passed. I hadn’t realized how tired I was until I didn’t have TV or my phone to distract me (and to keep me moving forward).

Me, bored as FUCK, unaware that I am about to take an almost 3 hour nap.

I found the same thing happened during that first week, at night. I was falling asleep between 9pm and 10pm—without my default scrolling or just one more episode nighttime habits, it felt like my brain and body were being given the space to breathe and relax. I realized how bad I’d gotten at listening to my own sleepy cues, and all of the things I thought I was doing to unwind were really keeping me wound up. And if I really think about it, it’s been that way for years.

With no more phone (or computer) games, I purchased a crossword book and would do a crossword while drinking coffee in the morning, sitting with my son while he ate breakfast. I tried to keep my phone out of sight as much as possible, especially during these morning moments. I listened to Podcasts for the first time in years—something I used to only do while commuting but now found myself really enjoying the medium while doing dishes or just relaxing in bed.

Analog mornings - me and my crosswords, my kid and his sticker book

I even deleted my email apps initially, but during my first week I missed a fraud alert on one of my credit cards. It got resolved, but I still got spooked, so I redownloaded it but added an app blocker so I could only check my email on my phone at specific times.

In that first week, I was more productive, more focused, and more present. I also found myself more and more bored, which is honestly a feeling I haven’t felt in a long time (definitely during the pandemic, at the beginning especially, but other than that I realized I don’t let myself feel bored, ever). It was almost refreshing to know that I could be bored.

Instead of whipping out my phone to look up every thought that came into my head, I kept a list on my phone of things I wanted to Google and had planned to revisit it at a set time. The first time I sat down with my list, I didn’t actually want to look any of it up—I didn’t care about that information anymore, or in the case of “third Ohio city with a ‘C’, not Columbus or Cleveland”, I remembered Cincinnati all on my own.

I became intimately aware of the clutter in my email inbox, and slowly started the process of setting some intentional time aside to delete emails that no longer served me. I really don’t need marketing emails from last month, let alone from 2014.

Then, at the beginning of week two, I got sick.

I came down with a horrible stomach bug plus fever combo that no one else in my house (thankfully) caught. I napped as much as I could, but when I’m sick and not napping, the only thing I want to do is watch TV. Not having that was painful—another moment I almost quit.

I made it through—those few days honestly a total blur. I could barely focus on crosswords and found myself falling asleep to podcasts playing in the background.

The rest of the second week and most of the third, were uneventful. I got used to my slower way of life. I started leaving my phone in various rooms around the house to not feel tethered. I was getting ready to end the detox, slowly introduce technology, and was overall feeling good.

And then, when I had just three days to go, I got sick again. This time, a cold that knocked my entire household down.

The days are long (and so is this cold)

It felt cruel. We did throw Bluey on for my kid, so maybe that’s cheating, but there was no way I could fathom parenting while sick if we hadn’t done that. We survived that weekend at home, and on Monday my son was back at daycare. I was still sick, took the day off, and I’d completed the ‘active’ part of the detox.

So, what did I learn?

The fifth and final week—which is all about reevaluating and reintroducing—brought me a lot of clarity. I reread my journals and peaked at my Instagram DMs on my laptop. It took me a few days before downloading some of apps back and even then I immediately set limits on them. There are also a bunch of apps that are off my phone for good, which is already a freeing feeling.

I spent that first Monday in bed catching up on the TV I’d missed—mostly Severance and the start of White Lotus. I started to play the Sims, but after eight minutes I got bored. I haven’t opened it since.

I learned a lot during this time. I noticed how much we all normalize these phone behaviors—scrolling, sending memes back and forth, wanting information instantly, etc. My husband joked about my crossword book, but my former reliance on keeping my Wordle streak or his Words with Friends habit is standard, no one blinks an eye.